Getting there
the bookofblue entry I'm avoiding
Where this account must ultimately go is about the last woman I fucked or licked or who swallowed me. My last lover, whose asshole I loved to lick. I am testing the water on writing a little part of it, a particular weekend, right ahead of the lockdown. This was an essential experience on the way to surrendering yoni. Annie understood intuitively…she set it up…she was the primary co-creator…who knew:
I was reaching the point of my slide where I could no longer cling. Maybe I was already there, in denial in thinking I could turn back. The scene that emerged that weekend was designed to fulfill my desire to lick another man’s semen out of her vagina. We all understood what we were there for.
I’m going to watch them make love but only whilst facing into a mirror, masturbating to their sex. I deeply needed both. My bodysoul was swimming in my need to mirror masturbate as they fucked. How beautiful even the desire felt, and then I was doing it. She pulled her knees up and invited him pound into her. It took her a minute to get into it...she knew that her pleasure would make him want to ejaculate.
Her favorite phantasia was to admit that her face was being seen.
The idea of someone seeing her face as she got fucked was what got her moaning dependably. And Lane, the man fucking her, could certainly see her. I could only witness this in reflection. My legs were spread and pressed against the wall facing into a tall vertical mirror. My fist lubed with coconut oil and my spattered and licked cum mirror on a little table next to my chair.
I want to describe the delicious helplessness of Annie’s moans and her willingness, and Lane being ready to submit himself. I was trying to contain my orgasm. My feelingsoul so beautiful I wanted to let goo. But I wanted to be thirsty and hot and horny when I drank him for her. So I was edging along on the brink of letting myself go. Even if I could hold back for a while, I was wondering how I could possibly not release myself when he orgasmed into my lover looking at her face. When they gave eachother that.
That which I was giving up. I accepted I didn’t have any control over what happened. That in feeling her be fucked the inevitable was happening and such beautiful surrender. Her face was turned the other way, as if to give her privacy with her lover. I heard her say, “It’s okay,”
At that, I listened to a man cry out and spend his passion into her slick naked vagina.
When his orgasm had subsided, I knew it was time. He umounted her and stood up. Her legs were spread wide. Her vagina was full of semen, now hers. I crawled across the bed and between her knees.
Suddenly the prospect of eating his cum was disgusting.
Impossible.
And there I am, with what I’ve asked for and been given. Both Lane and Annie wondered whether I would go through with it. They admitted that later. There I was. Annie guided my head closer to her and then pressed gently until my mouth was against the lips of her vagina. She smelled like semen and I could feel his gel slipping into my mouth.
Annie held me; held me to my desire, pressing my mough into her, as I finally licked deeply and swallowed and my whole being relaxed. I drank all of his semen in cunnilingus, swallowing the mixture of them several times. Then I slipped my tongue back to her asshole…just a little lick…just a little treat…and sat up and showed them my face wet with the mixture of them. I wanted to speak but I was unable. My cock was hard and my soul was aching and fulfilled at once. I picked up my cum mirror from the little table next to me, and looked at myself in the tongue-streaks of ancient yellow semen.
First I licked, then I smelled.
As for Annie. How many times she wanted me to fuck her and I asked her to hold that very mirror while I went down on myself. Again…
