mirage
i did it…
«It’s been a while since I’ve seen my face orgasm. I admit that. To you of all people, I can. Maybe I’m avoiding myself. Somtimes I feel like there’s only so much I can take and yet I know, I’m craving now.»
i did it…i retrieved that mirror…the same one Iris is holding…it is slightly concave and creates the illusion of a 3d hologram bursting forward, painted in patina, speaks to me whatever words i say, i remove my glasses to see my magnified eyes and lips to read and hear. Speak and feel in my helpless delight.
i write these things and lead myself to a place where I surrender to my love, which is forgiveness, which is selfthrist, which is acceptance, and sly surrender into freedom.
Chonga, from bookofblue1.
(chonga is weed coated with dmt. maggie knew how to harvest it from a straw-like plant, and she left me with some to go with my mirror…shown above…the ‘dmt mirror’)
Later that night I set the scene up. Maggie was super tired and a bit dreamy through the whole experience…present in a slightly aloof way, which gave me space to explore myself.
Mediating and sipping a little herb and feeling my desire; then I brought myself out to the edge and let myself back in, more than once, and spoke to myself and to us, and did that thing I love to do which is say the words, describe my thirst and my intent — facing that big black framed mirror…describe what I want.
I fucked my ass in a deep, full way and sat up on the penetration, with my back straight…in full view of myself. I teased myself hard and yearning and came as close to spilling my feelings as I could without letting go, breathed and backed off, leaning back, looking at myself naked there facing myself. My round gold-framed mirror was on the bed with me, which I tasted some times and let relax me into the inevitable.
Then i did it, I lit the chonga and drew in the strange stuff and gradually let it go and — the red purple of the studio lights was thicker and richer and I was aware of myself — and noticed myself witnessing my beauty, as if I could finally see my beauty in an objective way. I crested over into myself.
I said to myself in words, we drink our semen…and with that my body took over.
I had the presence of mind to pick up the mirror, and gazed helplessly at the spattered semen as I throbbed and pulsed in the pleasure my thirst while creating milky life in hot strands. Vividly clear, grassy scent bursting, reverberating natural existence and feeling so good to pulse and moan outward. I looked up at my face and melted at my first slight awakened into self acceptance and moaned.
I looked down between my knees dropped apart to witness with vivid clarity my pearlescent cords on the glass, that had been used so many times, vivid and honest, elegant, and I lifted the mirror to my mouth and gathered all that cum up on my tongue, looking for my eyes and seeing them in the shadowy light.
I held myself in my mouth. Facing myself and being seen doing so. I opened my mouth to myself and looked inside at the gob of white liquid, bursting with existence, eternally familiar creamy moisture swirling around my tongue, displaying both to myself and to another. Then I watched myself swallow. My wet face and disbelieving eyes. From a silent space off in the shadows, I was witnessed doing this.
I tried it again this morning…after an erotically exciting day with Zoe though not getting near her pussy — I heard this lovely former prude describes who she fucks and how much she loves to do it. Then I played into the night…worked myself up over and over again…cleaned mirrors…fully imbibing myself and the feeling of what it’s like to be with myself while affirming the pleasure of Zoe, who I love and crave, and my many female friends who seek their pleasure as you choose.
I listened to my heart beating with a stethoscope for a long time…watched my face as I did it…and finally passed out.
Then I woke up at about 5:30 this morning – a quiet Sunday morning – in my studio – and sat down naked in the mirror space. I worked myself up hard and erect again, yearning to let go. I smoked a threshold dose, maybe a bit more…and then I looked down at a round mirror, cum on and licked off many times and the visual cue alone sent me into orgasm as I peaked.
I came right onto that mirror again. Not as much as I would have liked though that’s what my body gave me, and I licked it back into myself and dove into bed holding my mouth full, breathing, and finally swallowed.
i just experienced the most exquisitely self-giving mirror licking I ever have. I found a new zone of sweetness and love for who I am, as well as what I do. I just went in and I could see myself as so beautiful. The semen I licked back as i watched was what I released Sunday evening after licking off most of what is shown in the first two photos. Melted buttery and salty into my mouth as my emotions yielded to what I was doing, receiving, what you were doing, receiving, being.
Receiving. From. Myself. In parallel universe to you taking penetration from your lover. I love that you have what you want. I love my urgency to understand myself & the light you hold into you and to me. I face myself in my mirror just then receive the truth that I am now giving myself just what I want — just what I say I want. I am with myself mirror masturbating while a woman I love explores herself in her freedom. We release one another into love and mutual awareness.
Lately my phantasies about you and hal have included how you accept that he will ejaculate only from masturbation, and you go with that – you take charge and direct the destiny of his semen, as he milks it out of himself, each time it happens.
I phantasise about you choosing where it goes, what happens to it, there are so many sweet destinies — she my beloved Jane wrote to me —
Funny, he just left — though we did not have sex, we could have and so wanted to and were in such a loving, aroused space.
It was a surprise visit after a class he takes Tuesday nights. He just wanted to stop by for a few minutes to see me and kiss me, but I was about to eat. So we ate and talked and kissed and turned each other on with such loving and then primal touches.
But he knew I had this bit of work to finish up; and so he just left after we got each other all turned on and…. It would have been so easy to take his clothes off… and he said at one point he just wanted to toss me down and taste me…
I could have fucked him so sweetly and urgently and it seems a shame not to just go with that moment — but he did not want to keep me from finishing my responsibilities — and neither did i… And damn, if only I could have found a way into the article earlier, I might have gotten myself fucked beautifully in this sticky, hot apartment.
I am so happy to know that you just had such a beautiful experience, eric. It seems we were exponentially increasing the love in this world just now together, you there with your mirror and me here with my lover — who is a kind of mirror, I suppose.
As for Hal’s semen: you know I like licking it off of him. I would love to take it all in my mouth again. And I would so love to have it shoot inside of my cunt. That would feel amazing.
So many sweet destinies, indeed.
« you know I like licking it off of him. I would love to
take it all in my mouth again »
oh so privy, jane, i love that you do. i know that you do.
The whole passage with Jane came out of the ethers...those compersion exchanges we had when she moved on to a new lover were so deep and sweet...