New Cosmic Home

email to sunsprawl

Photo by Eric Francis - Book of Blue, Brussels 2007.

so I sent the recording to my mom.

We have not been in contact for about 15 years. There was never a falling out, she just dropped out of everyone’s lives. When I was a teenager we had a real connection, a simpatico thing. I respect her immensely and especially did then. I also learned about sex from discovering her books and sex toys. (The Hite Report was left available.)

Sooooo,,,,starting at imbolc I’d sent the piece to just about every woman in my life…keeping a list so I could be reminded…and each time melted into the feeling of, ok now she knows…now she knows, she’s felt me heard me in right that spot of self submission…

I could share freely in part knowing that everyone relates to the pain of mother or son or daughter in some way…and the need to connect…

Nadine said right in that imbolc zone she thought it bled through the etheric planes and reached her. Long ago a tantrika explained the medicine quality that my ritual has for women and urged me to be generous. All the ladies who gave bj’s they didn’t want to give! And I love a man drinking his semen in front of a woman as the offering of nonviolence.

soooooooo….I kept sharing it with those would think of, important bOb women (so many mother figures in bOb) and past lovers and current friends…and my male confessor neal…getting easy to realize ya this is in the open just relax into that.

no adult man says mommy…omg…

And along the way I wondered if I could send myself to her..the words spoken to her…would they actually reach their ears? Well only if I have the courage…

Just as background Cheryl and I went deep into discussing the ‘mother’ space around masturbation and my sexuality…there was in real life a sublime episode where my mom came into the room after hearing my masturbation one night, and she sat down on the bed, placed her hand on my back and stayed a moment before leaving.

To me saying, I know you do this and you have my blessing…ending so many generations of pain…

I was at that time totally unselfconscious about putting my vaseline and cum stained pillow cases into the wash…I knew she would know, and that felt natural and easygoing…within me the emotion, it’s ok if she knows ths. She’s seen lots of and I am sure def smelled and poss tasted me…and then…and then arrived that night when she sat down when I was straddling my pillow, heart thumping…profound momentary acknowledgement…

She is the person to whom I sent this to…and truly sunsprawl I have wanted her needed her to know this about me for so long…since eternity. Her gift of self-freedom to me was profound and I am so happy she has had a chance to know about and feel my gratitude…

…and know the logical extension of my uninhibited pillowcases and sense of ease with her…and i expressed all my pent up love for her in that four minute recording of my surrendering to the universe.

I previously squeezed out of her little cap moon pussy, and that scent and flavor has always been my utter delight…Eja is cap moon...

I had practiced sending to women over and over, and had experienced acceptance and gentleness…and my own sense of growing peace…the other night I thought I would consider it seriously…so I fished her email address out of ancient gmail and…put the file into the little box…and wrote her the most fabulous love poem to she as mom and the existence of my life and, well, I shared my deepest surrender with her…

…wherein I experienced my profound gratitude to her…nothing to hold back…I am only and always me…nothing nowhere to hide and the beauty of that...one option only…

I can relax into this every or any moment, my truth that can be my new cosmic home. first time totally beautifully in peace in my relationship to her to she….new cosmic home…mmmm hmmmmm...

my semen as your milk…

good goddess...

oh destiny