the delicate deeply sweetly embarrassing beauty of this photo of me to me...is
(and a stream of conscience consciousness con science. tmi alert!)
this is one night in my Paris studio, Rue des Chantiers…a planned self portrait, revealed below. I swim around to feel into where I was both at that time, and that early morning…deep into the ‘be honest about your self-thirst’ stage of selfloving.
step by step…speaking with selected peole, and asking them to sit with me in the mirror and kinda help me do it. Jenny Singer and her seashell! in my miani hotel,,,
Here, tonight @ paris…I’m alone, and that’s the experiment: can i lick alone? did i do it? I don’t remember! Ooh that’s happened before. There is no picture…of my wet mouth that is, it does not mean i didnt. i can complete the scenario either way. i drank a lot of my cum in that studio, alone & with pretty pretty pretty…
Mmmmm, though…the idea of this photo is simply, ‘i’ve ejaculated into my palm’. that’s the only way to see it. my penis is hard and twitching too sensitive to touch.
so much right in that. and then…implied is the question: can I lick? eew what have i done? do i love myself right now? if you did, you’d do it…i love the relaxation on my face…my barely open eyes…
Debra Sho, the sexologist making the rounds, was describing the change in hormones instantly after a man ejaculates. It’s a whole emotional drop, it’s so intense…her phrase was 100%…plunge to nothing in libido…and it can turn deep self lust into self disgust. so the thing is…the moment i have fresh semen the disgust sets in. the desire sprays off and its memory feels really weird
can you imagine the delicate agony,,,the cumulus frustration? in paris was born the cumirror. the game being this: if I am in a thirst frenzy and orgasm to either drinking myself or surrender to mirror celibacy, i cry out and spurt and i cannot lick. so first i stop the guilt about that and reticence disgustish i just stop and i know i’ll take myself back some other time when i’m hot and horny.
in the photo below, the diagonal swoosh is a tongue streak in fresh cum, and which then dried that way. the little sperm cell or fetus on the left is residue from a long prior release; those are scattered everywhere. that’s the delicate mess…my delicate mess…
the gorgiousness of this photo to me is connecting with the deep moment of self acceptance when i licked like that. mm hmmm.
then somehow the cum mirror becomes the expression of surrendering yoni…
the symbol, upon which i drag my tongue when i’m thirsty. its gradual transformation to yoni, my female expression, seen and experienced in the smeared reflection. there’s a lot here and we’ve explored my reflection in every light.
the image below is a kind of easing in. the woman is iris, the celibacy goddessgazing into the mirror, her hands concealing the view of her vulva: she never showed me, allowed me to see. and if she’s looking at herself, i can show you my delicate face with my cummy mess in my palm, teetering on the edge of licking…
…that’s the look. my gorgeous moment of uncertainty. insecurity, self-infidelity,,,and over time - alone, with mirror, with women and with men - i’ve learned to discovered how to…get my cum in my mouth because i want me, if i have to propel myself by the sensation of revealing to [he/she/they/you]…
…and also when im selfucked that suspends the tension of orgasm and i discovered teases out my thirst…sitting on it, seated, facing a large mirror, and right there ive delivered and offered myself to my thirst. are you following me…my quest to fulfill myself. my whole self embodiment of submission to who and what i am. right there i pause and explore delicious degretation decay of my maleness to another form…
i love and long for cunt. thirst for yoni water and soaking in her scent.
it helps to say that to you who know and accept me for that.
so so sweetly natural for me, to be at home, to smell her deeply, delight in her scent for our mutual delight but mostly for mine. i think i could survive mirror celibacy on scent of the yoni alone; that would be within my understanding.
the Thresholder said, you may, if it’s easier for you.
oh delight. o pretty pretty pretty
i mean…oh my dear. so lovely so cosmic…
and what rachel said, i’m back in this conversation because you’re a mirror celibate self semen drinker. celibate with yourself, your cum and your reflection in your cum, iam. fantasies of sluping her or bukakke with them are just that.
the deeply sweetly embarrassing is my cock does not seem to get like this anymore...seeing this image barely seems to be me...tho there I am in naked thirst.