The Story of the Gold Mirror

For Kano, of Akhet Khufu. "You’re fortunate that i’m doing this for you, but i know you need it."

Akhet Khufu

to amma-pri devi

– feels really good to share it – with her and with you

you came in powerfully that night, so strong and present, as I admitted out loud what I was doing in front of you and you aware of the back-dive of humility I had to take to get out of my pain, trusting my water would be deep enough to plunge in safely…and it was. your presence reminded me: you’ll come back to that place of self-compassion no matter what, eventually, so let go of your guilt and do it now. i did…the mixture of pleasure and love so poignant…i watched my face cum.

from amma-pri devi

thank you for sharing … so much…and that was indeed me coming in that night. I felt you, then. And it is what I wanted to say to you then, and was saying to you in my heart — “you’ll come back to that place of self-compassion no matter what, eventually, so let go of your guilt and do it now” — and what I hope my presence always reminds you of… I am glad you did…love you...

the story of the gold mirror

one delicious feeling is my urgency turned back onto me. reflected to me. choosing compersion then. in an episode earlier this year a woman I am in love with and have known many years got together with me and we went sexually further than she wanted…but man I got to suck her twat so lovingly as she gave me at long last the satisfaction of her cuming onto my mouth. she was naked and so gorgeous and dark and fragile and I needed to fuck her. like my ancient wife. she did not want to go there…but she felt how melting I was and she is responsive to me…

which is when she picked up a mirror i had from a photo session earlier that day, an oval, gold framed mirror with a long handle

and held it to my face.

she understood what to do. it was a real confrontation.

especially as I understand the sex she likes to have…i know what she wants and in that same gesture I was accepting that other men are giving that to her, that she shows her inner face to them and they get to watch her eyes as she lets go into penetration…

i want to do that to her…instead I am laying on my back with my knees up. I’ve penetrated myself and I am pulling that deeper into my core…exactly what I want to do to her.

my back is curled up toward her as I gaze at myself. there will be no tease. she is making this happen right now. less for my pleasure and more for her getting my urgent, unstoppable need for her out of her way. from she, there is a hint of you’re fortunate that i’m doing this for you, but i know you need it.

i open my eyes. when i see my face my eyes look frightened. there is also a stab of pleasure in that recognition. i dare myself to express joy, and I do, smiling, feeling stupid and then not caring, exposing to myself and to her. my knees are tight and wide and she brings the mirror closer, and closer, looking right into my eyes as she does so, i must.

i know what she is doing, she is making me vent my craving for her onto myself. i can still taste her cunt in my mouth and I want to suck her off again, but I am pinned and paralyzed from acting on such a feeling. she is approving of my desire for her and helping me redirect its expression.

just before I moan I ask her to lay the mirror on my belly, and relaxed my neck and back, pull the dildo in deeper one last time and exhale a glorious vocalization of my existence, throbbing in ripples of waves, bursting a little more free with each. out of me - moaning as she sees is my excuse to feel beautiful…she alone sees my face here…

when i open my eyes she meets my gaze with her delicate smile, she shows me the white spurts all over the gold frame and glass, some on my chest. my passion never dried on my mirror. i didn’t lick myself in front of her, though I’d told her I wanted and needed to.

we agreed that she was not interested,

and with a gentle goodbye, she left me alone with myself in the murky blue evening, nowhere to turn but me.

letter to kano…

deep this morning, I was close to letting go and wanted a mirror…to see and taste. I did not want to get out of bed. the gold mirror you held to my face was on the shelf next to my bed. i picked it up and looked into the glass, I saw myself reflected in the background of two generous dried spurts, yellow and from different occasions months ago, onto which I plunged my tongue. I cannot touch that mirror without seeing your face holding it to me, and I melted into the beauty of that, how I wanted to penetrate you and you didn’t want to go there, so you turned the (my) mirror to my (the) face…intentionally deflecting my desire back onto me, knowing I would orgasm that way and it would take the pressure off of you as i go deep into the acceptance that you don’t want to fuck me. accepting that you choose someone else. loving you in your power of choice. accepting the beauty of your no, so gentle, with permission to let go, even to your beauty, always to myself. i moaned freely into my eyes.