Self Penetration Intimacy
There is something I have not said. In the spirit of no holding back...
Summoning the courage to send this now…
Through these pages, I am feeling my way through the dark…traveling on the basis of going deep toward and into embarrassment. I follow my inner heart heat in that direction; that’s my guide.
There is one topic I have avoided, I think on the basis of eschewing embarrassment. And that is self-penetration. I have mentioned it in different contexts, though it has a special place for me connecting me with my thirst. That honest spot…
I penetrate myself many ways; above I’m on a thing called a Sybian, a kind of ride-on vibrator-dildo system made famous by Howard Stern for the women who would ride it on the radio. We all love that women can do this.
My Sybian is always in front of a large mirror so I can watch and make eye contact.
Being penetrated keeps me thirsty for my seed after I ejaculate. My orgasm expands around me and stays for a while…That’s really the center of my expeirence.
Mmmm yes and…fills me up, stretches my center open and gives me the feeling of being filled and fulfilled. This touches the woman at my core; the difference between male and female sexuality is that female sexual feelings come from deep at the center of her body…and that is what I create when I allow myself to be fucked….when I touch my core and open up around myself…
And then…
When I am impaled, stretched and filled up, I know what I want and easily get my semen into my mouth. My love just flows…I can make full self contact at that point and be generous with myself and totally receptive to myself.
I want it so much more and the wanting is the gorgeous part. I can be so horny after ejaculation that I’m right there with my need to swallow myself and being right there with my need is the deepest pleasure. My thirst frenzy…that’s the thing. To be thirsty in that suspended moment when I have semen to drink.
Penetration pushes me up into that space. So I do it, often squatting on what I’m fucking. I have done this alone back when I was maybe 14 — yes fucking myself into a mirror as instinctual sex…alone or with women or with men…and I love to show how this is my ultimate way to stretch my orgasm across the chasm between my self and self.
I have let other people fuck me — with toys — I am a cock virgin. A man who was older than I am now, named Richard, helped me relax and take penetration, to really open up. He loved to fuck me with some big dildo and I needed to be fucked and say, let yourself be fucked. I was not into drinking my cum then or I would have done it in front of him. In our sex, after having my feet in the air for a while, my ejaculations would ultimately go into his mouth. I would allow him to fuck my semen out of he and then drink me…as much as he wanted.
The easiest way to express this and reveal this element of myself is showing you my face. In the licture or rather picture below I am straddling the Sybian eating old orgasms off of a cum mirror and I look very hungry. I prepare to receive my fresh liquid life. Thank you Lakshmi Beth for thresholdng me…
Eric, for sometime now I have been using a prostate massager while intoning a breath practice called Key sound multiple orgasm protocol, ksmo for short. My sessions can run from 1 hr. to several hours. I can relate to the feeling of fullness you describe. I tend not to ejaculate but to engage in a deep field of various levels of full body pulsation. I call it the zone. The fullness you describe and the engorgement of my prostate comes from a feeling of deep core response. I too relate to this being a communion of the mystic feminine. I have come to ritualize this process and find it incredibly satisfying. When I do cross over to ejaculation with my vibrating or standard toy it is the best a man can get!
Thanks again for your bravery to articulate and express this level of intimacy. I find it intriguing that you get to do this on a outward relational level with a variety of women. It would appear that your camera is an interesting passport to these encounters.